where are you from?

On Wednesday night we had to watch a dvd. Sami and I were able to choose from a couple of choices and we picked the diversity dvd. Having a Canadian, a Californian whose parents are from Taiwan, our host who was from Mississippi but was born (I think) in India, Sami who's Philippino by marriage, and the rest of us being white and black; we were a pretty good mix.

One of the things we discussed was asking someone where they are from based on their looks. We were in a friendly and comfortable environment, so we were able to discuss things openly. I'm opening this up here to see what you think of that question. As we were discussing it, I realized my curiosity for asking is just that I'm curious about who you are. I'm not from anywhere specific. I'm mostly German (hello? my maiden name and married name give that away) but there's Irish in there too. I ask because I'm curious where you're from if you look different because you may have a direct history.

Just like when I'm asked where I'm from, I say I grew up in Indiana but I was born in Michigan (yes, I know I look like a Hoosier... that's a joke). I claim Michigan as my home. It's just who I am and where I'm from. No offense to Hoosiers. I loved growing up there, I love my friends who are from there. But I've lived in a lot of different places and I've seen where different people have come from. Whether it's been in Savannah (say hello to everyone you pass on the street and address everyone with Miss, Mister or Sir), New Jersey (say God Bless You when you hear someone sneeze) or someplace else.

I'm not trying to be rude or offensive when I ask someone. I have been involved in a similar conversation before. From that I took that maybe it's how you say it. So instead of "Where are you from?" maybe "Where did you grow up?" is better to avoid any misunderstanding. Then the conversation can open up from there. "Did your parents grow up there too?"

I'm bringing this up, because I tend to shut down when I hear that someone doesn't like the way questions are asked, and I've used that question before. For instance; I no longer ask people what they do because I know someone who finds that uncomfortable to answer because we often use their answer to define who they are. As a result, I go around talking to people for years before I know what their job is.

And then there's the story my dad tells about when he was in Texas on business. He was in a restaurant and some Texans over heard my dad talking. One of them said in his deep southern drawl, "You ain't from around here." My dad is not a large man, so he was a bit intimidated by that statement, not a question.

Sometimes where we're from is obvious. Sometimes it's not. We each have a history and I'm sorry if I ask you where you're from to find out more about you. I think it's our melting-pot nature in this country to assume you're not from here. I just hope it builds more relationships and breaks down more walls.